Adoption Resources

Here is a quick outline of this resource list. You can click anywhere to get started, but if you read “Why I leave certain things out,” other comments sprinkled throughout the list will make more sense. I hope you find it helpful!

INTRODUCTION

Purpose of this list
Why I leave certain things out

GENERAL RESOURCES

BOOKS

Policy, trends, data, theory
How-to and decisionmaking
Adoptive parenting
Addressing adoption in the schools
Books for children

ORGANIZATIONS

General interest and domestic adoptions
Specifically international adoptions

INTRODUCTION

Purpose of this list

A wealth of books, articles, and websites have been devoted to adoption in the last twenty years – so many, in fact, that the range of choice can be mind-boggling. Everyone who is considering adoption should have an experienced “buddy” to help them through this maze of resources. I hope this highly selective list can help serve as your long-distance buddy, wherever you are in the process.

Why I leave certain things out

I am listing books and websites I have found most helpful and interesting. A major criterion for me is that the featured work be based in rigorous studies and careful thought, not in myths. As you search for useful information about adoption, you will find books, articles, and websites that, subtly or blatantly, denigrate adoptive relationships. These materials are grounded in the belief that biologic kinship is naturally superior to adoptive kinship, and that the severing of biologic ties creates irreparable wounds to all separated parties. There are NO reliable data to support these claims. If you come across claims like this in your search for good information, ignore them. Do not allow anyone to cause you to doubt the rightness, beauty, and depth of your love for your children, and theirs for you.

I appreciate your feedback on resources you find helpful. I will update the list periodically to reflect your suggestions, changes in the field, and changes in my thinking.

GENERAL

As an adoptive or pre-adoptive parent, you need to know about these general resources.

Adoptive Families magazine offers a wealth of information online and in print, including its annual adoption guidebook. www.adoptivefamilies.com.

The American Academy of Adoption Attorneys is the primary professional organization of attorneys specializing in adoption.  Visit their website at http://www.adoptionattorneys.org.

The American Academy of Pediatrics, Section on Adoption is the best place to begin looking for a physician who specializes in adoption issues.  Visit their website at http://www.aap.org/sections/adoption .

National Adoption Information Clearinghouse (NAIC) , a service of the U.S. department of Health and Human Services, is a tremendous source of information about all aspects of adoption, for all members of the adoption triad. www.naic.adf.hhs.gov.

Perspectives Press , run by Patricia Irwin Johnston and based in Indianapolis , has published some of the best work out there on adoption and infertility, including Johnston 's own outstanding books (referenced below under “How-to and decision-making”). www.perspectivespress.com.

Tapestry Books is the original purveyor of adoption-related books. Tapestry offers a wide range of books on all aspects of adoption from many different publishers on a searchable website. www.tapestrybooks.com .

Adoption.com at www.adoption.com and www.adoption.org. This is a media company whose websites you are certain to find immediately if you are searching for adoption information online.  These free commercial sites have a very different feel from those of dedicated non-profits. They do not provide the in-depth information you will need, but the beginning information is good and reliable, and the links go on and on and on . . . .

BOOKS

Policy, trends, data, theory

Elizabeth Bartholet, Family Bonds: Adoption and the Politics of Parenting (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1993).

Harvard Law Professor Bartholet names “the biologic bias” in this book and traces its effects in the culture at large and in adoptive families. This is a groundbreaking and essential work.

E. Wayne Carp, Family Matters: Secrecy and Disclosure in the History of Adoption (Boston: Harvard University Press, 1998).

E. Wayne Carp, Professor of History at Pacific Lutheran University , gives here the first detailed history of the shifting attitudes and practices about secrecy and openness in the history of U.S. adoptions. Exhaustive, enlightening, and sane.

Harold Grotevant and Ruth McRoy, Openness in Adoption: Exploring Family Connections (Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, 1998).

Harold Grotevant and Ruth McRoy, Professors at the Universities of Minnesota and Texas ( Austin ), respectively, cut through the dense myths and ideology in this volume, reporting recent research on the effects of various levels of openness in adoption.

H. David Kirk, Looking Forward, Looking Back: An Adoptive Father's Sociological Testament (Indianapolis: Perspectives Press, 1995). Order directly from Perspectives Press at www.perspectivespress.com.

Sociologist H. David Kirk is the father of contemporary adoption research and theory. His contributions to the field are incalculable. In this farewell address delivered at a major adoption conference, he assesses progress in the field and thinks about its trajectory.

H. David Kirk, Shared Fate: A Theory and Method of Adoptive Relationships (Port Angeles, WA: Ben-Simon Publications, 1964).

This is Kirk's first book about adoption. One of its critical contributions is its recognition that the challenges faced by adoptive families are not inherent in the institution but created by the culture's suspicion and devaluation of adoptive relationships. This is a cornerstone of contemporary adoption literature.

Barbara Melosh, Strangers and Kin: The American Way of Adoption ( Cambridge , MA : Harvard University Press, 2002).

Barbara Melosh, a Professor of English and History at George Mason University , has written an invaluable book about the history of adoption in America , covering both adoption practices and social attitudes about adoption. Happily, her book, Strangers and Kin, is both academically rigorous and highly readable, filled with fascinating details from case histories and trenchant analysis of contemporary attitudes.

Judith S. Modell, A Sealed and Secret Kinship: The Culture of Policies and Practices in American Adoption ( New York : Berghahn Books, 2002).

Judith Modell, a Professor of Anthropology, History, and Art at Carnegie Mellon University , contributes a fascinating study of adoption policies and attitudes in the U.S. , focusing on the extraordinary upheavals in our cultural conversation about adoption in the last thirty years. Modell contrasts American attitudes toward adoption with attitudes in other countries and cultures (including Hawaii 's), and finds that in some places adoption is a highly valued activity that is practiced much more freely and joyfully than in the U.S.

National Council for Adoption, Adoption Factbook III (Author: 1999). Available through NCFA's website, www.adoptioncouncil.org.

In the wars over open records, the National Council for Adoption has consistently fought for privacy; hence, it is vilified in many areas of the adoption community. However, NCFA publishes perhaps the most comprehensive compilation of facts about adoption to be had. You might disagree with some of the opinion articles in the Factbook , but as a data source it is excellent.

Adam Pertman, Adoption Nation: How the Adoption Revolution is Transforming America ( New York : Basic Books, 2000).

An adoptive father and journalist (and now Executive Director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute; see below, under “Organizations”), Adam Pertman wrote one of the very best books ever about contemporary adoption and how it is changing America . Pertman is a major open adoption advocate and strongly criticizes the National Council for Adoption for its fight to keep records closed, making Pertman's book both a fascinating record of and document in the current adoption debates.

Katarina Wegar, Adoption, Identity, and Kinship: The Debate over Sealed Records (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1997).

Associate Professor of Sociology at Old Dominion University , Katarina Wegar analyzed historical records and policies, popular representations, activist newsletters, and academic articles for evidence of unconscious bias, and finds plenty, most of it destructive to adoptive family relationships. This is an important book which concludes with a discussion of ways to avoid perpetuating the harmful images of all triad members.

How-to and decisionmaking

Books in this section help you deal with infertility (Patricia Irwin Johnston's work in this area is superb), decide whether or not to adopt, decide what adoption route to take, and then learn how to cope with the process.

Adoptive Families Magazine's annual Adoption Guide is indispensable. Available from their website, www.adoptivefamilies.com.

Christine A. Adamec, The Adoption Option: A Complete Handbook (New York: Crown Publishing Group, 1999).

Tracy Barr and Katrina Carlisle, Adoption for Dummies . ( New York : John Wiley and Sons, 2003).

Lois Gilman, The Adoption Resource Book: All the Things You Need to Know and Ought to Know About Creating an Adoptive Family (New York: Harperreference, Fourth Edition, 1998).

Mary Hopkins-Best, Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft (Indianapolis: Perspectives Press, 1997).

Claudia L. Jewett, Adopting the Older Child (Boston: Harvard Comon Press, 1979).

Patricia Irwin Johnston, Adopting after Infertility (Indianapolis: Perspectives Press, 1992).

Patricia Irwin Johnston, Taking Charge of Infertility (Indianapolis: Perspectives Press, 1994).

Patricia Irwin Johnston, Adoption Is a Family Affair! What Relatives and Friends Must Know ( Indianapolis : Perspectives Press, 2001).

Cynthia Martin and Dru Martin Groves, Beating the Adoption Odds: Using Your Head and Heart to Adopt (New York: Harcourt Brace, 1998).

Trish Maskew, Our Own: Adopting and Parenting the Older Child (Morton Grove, IL: Snowcap Press, 1999).

John H. McLean, Russian Adoption Handbook: How to Adopt from Russia , Ukraine , Kazakhstan , Bulgaria , Belarus , Georgia , Azjerbaijan and Moldova (iUniverse Star, 2004).

John H. McLean, The Chinese Adoption Handbook: How to Adopt from China and Korea (iUniverse, Inc., 2004).

Lois Melina and Sharon Roszia, The Open Adoption Experience: A Complete Guide for Adoptive and Birth Families—From Making the Decision to the Child's Growing Years (New York: HarperCollins, 1993).

Bruce M. Rappaport, The Open Adoption Book: A Guide to Adoption without Tears (New York: MacMillan, 1992).

Cheri Register, “Are Those Kids Yours?” American Families with Children Adopted from Other Countries (NY: Free Press, 1991).

Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall, Inside Transracial Adoption ( Indianapolis : Perspectives Press, 2000).

Michael R Sullivan and Susan Shultz , Adopt the Baby You Want (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1990).

The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, A Child Is Waiting: A Beginner's Guide to Adoption . Available to download or order from the Dave Thomas Foundation website, www.davethomasfoundationforadoption.org.

Adoptive parenting

As I say in Two Little Girls , “Once you become a parent through adoption, you experience all the joys and worries, exasperation and delight that biological parents experience. And then some.” Even the happiest, most secure adoptive families have to come to terms with a host of issues: birthparents' decision not to parent their child, and your child's feelings about that; your own feelings about birth families; the culture's feelings about adoption; attitudes about adoption your child encounters at school; and, in closed and international adoptions, lack of sometimes critical information about genetic background. Some adoptive families have additional challenges, most prominent among them attachment difficulties.

The books below address all of these issues. My one caveat with some of these books is the authors' failure to consistently qualify their statements about adopted children and families. Although every author notes, typically in the book's first chapter, that every family is different, authors all too easily drop qualifiers and start talking about “adoptees” and “adoptive families” as if they were all alike. All adoptive families do have to cope with issues specific to adoption; but how those issues affect the children and families varies tremendously. Typically, when qualifiers are dropped, subtle pathologizing of adoption is going on. You know how I hate that!

If you find unqualified statements about adoptive families in any of these books, add your own qualifiers and read on. A great deal of help is to be found here.

Vera Fahlberg, A Child's Journey through Placement (Indianapolis: Perspectives Press, 1994).

Karen J. Foli and John R. Thompson, Post-Adoption Blues: Overcoming the Unforseen Challenges of Adoption (NY: Rodale Press, 2004).

Holly Van Gulden and Lisa Bartels-Rabb, Real Parents, Real Children: Parenting the Adopted Child (Crossroad Classic, 1995).

Gregory C. Keck and Regina M. Kupecky, Adopting the Hurt Child: Hope for Families with Special-Needs Kids (Navpress Publishing Group, 1998).

Gregory C. Keck and Regina M. Kupecky, Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow (Pinon Press, 2002).

Pamela Kruger and Jill Smolowe, A Love Like No Other: Stories from Adoptive Parents ( New York : Riverhead Books, 2005).

Joyce Maguire Pavao, The Family of Adoption (Boston: Beacon Press, 1998).

Elinor Rosenberg, The Adoption Life Cycle: The Children and Their Families through the Years (New York: Free Press, 1992).

Mary Watkins and Susan Fisher, Talking with Young Children about Adoption (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1993).

Addressing adoption in the schools

Marilyn Schoettle, S.A.F.E. at School: (S)upport for (A)doptive (F)amilies by (E)ducators, A Manual for Teachers (available from the Center for Adoption Support and Education [CASE], at www.adoptionsupport.org).

Lansing Wood and Nancy Ng, Adoption and the Schools: Resources for Parents and Teachers

(Available from Families Adopting in Response [FAIR.] at www.fairfamilies.org or P.O. Box 51436 , Palo Alto , CA 94303 ).

(For a wealth of resources for use in schools, see www.adoptivefamilies.com/school/index.php )

For children

Believe it or not, I make only three recommendations for children's books. Hundreds of books have been published to help children understand and feel good about adoption. Many of these books are excellent. However, the books that are best for you will depend upon how you talk with your children, how old they are, the circumstances of their adoption, their temperament, etc. So I urge you to explore this very rich bookshelf yourself – if possible, in person. I have bought many a children's book online that was disappointing for any number of reasons. So browse in a real bookstore, if possible, and find what fits for you and your child. These three, though, I think are excellent for all adopted kids, school-age and up.

Marc Nemiroff and Jane Annunziata, All about Adoption: How Families Are Made and How Kids Feel about It ( Washington , D.C. : Magination Press, 2004).

Delightfully illustrated by Carol Koeller, All about Adoption is straightforward, thorough, and upbeat. Ages 4 - 8.

Marilyn Schoettle, W.I.S.E. UP Power Book ( Silver Spring , MD : Center for Adoption Support and Education, Inc., 2000). Available from www.adoptonsupport.org.

The W.I.S.E. UP Power Book is one of the best resources I have ever seen for adopted school-aged kids. It gives kids explicit, age-appropriate, empowering guidance in how to respond to remarks about adoption from people of all ages. In the process, it raises their consciousness about prevalent adoption myths and attitudes, and reminds them that they're among millions of adopted people living in the U.S. Indispensable.

Jill Krementz, How It Feels to be Adopted (NY: Knopf, 1982).

This book is a series of interviews with adopted adolescents by adoptive mother and photographer Jill Krementz. Although I first recoiled from the title, How It Feels to be Adopted – as if there is a way adoption feels – I was won over by the frank, varied, and wonderfully sane interviews. Although the photos look a bit dated now, more than 20 years after they were taken, the voices are evergreen. This is a wonderful resource for adoptees 10 or so and up, who will be relieved to find some of their private thoughts openly discussed.

ORGANIZATIONS

General interest and domestic adoptions

AdoptUSkids. Online at www.adoptuskids.org . On land at Adoption Exchange Association, 8015 Corporate Drive, Suite C, Baltimore , MD 21236 . By phone (toll free) at 888-200-4005.

AdoptUSkids is a program of the Children's Bureau of the Administration on Children, Youth, and Families of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. In partnership with several leading child welfare organizations, the Children's Bureau launched AdoptUSkids to help recruit permanent families for the 120,000+ adoptable children in the U.S. foster care system. The website has lots of information for prospective parents and for and about waiting children.

The Center for Adoption Support and Education, or C.A.S.E. Online at www.adoptionsupport.org. On land at King's Park Professional Building , 8996 Burke Lake Road, Suite 201, Burke, VA 22015. By phone at 703-425-3703. Also on land at 11120 New Hampshire Ave., Suite 205, Silver Spring , MD 20904. By phone in MD at 301-593-9200.

As stated on their website, “C.A.S.E. was created in May 1998 to provide post-adoption counseling and educational services to families, educators, child welfare staff, and mental health providers in Maryland , Northern Virginia , and Washington , D.C. ” But C.A.S.E. has generated invaluable publications available nationally, including the W.I..S.E. UP Power Book for Kids and S.A.F.E. at School (both cited above). C.A.S.E. also offers nationally-accessible training and consultation and, through its website, valuable information about other resources in the adoption community.

Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute. Online at www.adoptioninstitute.org . On land at 525 Broadway, 6 th Floor, New York NY 10012 . By phone at 212-925-4089.

Founded in 1996, the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute's mission is “to improve the quality of information about adoption, to enhance the understanding and perception of adoption, and to advance adoption policy and practice.” Now headed by Adam Pertman, author of Adoption Nation (cited above under “Policy, trends, data, theory”), the Institute is a vital source of new research on issues in adoption and of reliable information about current events in adoption.

National Adoption Center . Online at www.adopt.org. On land at 1500 Walnut Street, Suite 701, Philadelphia , PA 19102. By phone at 1-800-TO-ADOPT.

The National Adoption Center (NAC) works to find adoption opportunities for children throughout the United States , particularly for children with special needs and those from minority cultures. NAC was begun in the early 1970s by two adoptive mothers in Philadelphia , who worked from their kitchen tables to find families for “hard-to-place” children. Their website has lots of valuable information for families considering adopting these kids, including information about waiting children.

National Adoption Foundation. Online at www.nafadopt.org. On land at 100 Mill Plain Rd., Danbury , CT 06811. No phone listed on website.

Bless the National Adoption Foundation (NAF). As they say on their website, no loving family should be unable to adopt because of financial barriers. The NAF is the only national resource dedicated exclusively to providing financial support, information, and services directly to adoptive families. Their website is the place to apply for their own small direct grants ($500 - $2500) and to learn about other ways to finance adoption.

National Council for Adoption. Online at www.adoptioncouncil.org. On land at 225 N. Washington St. , Alexandria VA 22314-2561 . By phone at 703-299-6633 .

Founded in 1980, the National Council For Adoption (NCFA) “is a research, education, and advocacy organization whose mission is to promote the well-being of children, birthparents, and adoptive families by advocating for the positive option of adoption.” As I mentioned above in the listing of NCFA's Factbook (under “Policy, trends, data, theory”), NCFA is embroiled in the adoption controversy on the side of privacy, having advocated very successfully in many states to prevent the opening of sealed records. Wherever you stand on that issue, NCFA's website is a window into the power politics of adoption regulation, and offers a wealth of information for both professionals and parents.

North American Council on Adoptable Children. Online at www.nacac.org . On land at 970 Raymond St., Suite 106 , St. Paul MN 55114 . By phone at 651-644-3036.

Founded in 1974 by adoptive parents in Minnesota , the North American Council on Adoptable Children is committed to meeting the needs of waiting U.S. children and the families who adopt them. The NACAC website holds a wealth of valuable information for professionals and for people considering adoption. Their “How to Adopt” section and their “Table of Adoption Types” are fabulous – clear, concise, informative

Pact, An Adoption Alliance . Online at www.pactadopt.org. On land at 4179 Piedmont Avenue, Suite 330, Oakland , CA 94611. By phone at (510) 243-9460. Also offering the toll-free Birth Parent Line at (800) 750-7590; and the toll-free Adoptive Parent Peer Support Line at 888- 448-8277.

I have the greatest respect for the founders of Pact – two adoptive mothers of children of color who, in 1991, recognized a need for information and support for adoptive families of color (same-race and transracial) and set out to fill the need. They have done an admirable job. Although Pact is located in Oakland, California (so you are unlikely to attend their seminars if you live on the east coast), they have built an invaluable website, full of sensitive, thoughtful, pragmatic advice and questions for birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptive children of color. They also have a bookstore and a newsletter. Hats off to the women who have done this wonderful work.

Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. Online at www.davethomasfoundationforadoption.org. On land at 4150 Tuller Road, Suite 204, Dublin , Ohio 43017. By phone at 1-800-ASK-DTFA.

I love the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. Established by Wendy's founder Dave Thomas, himself an adopted person, the DTFA encourages adoption of children from the U.S. foster care system. The Foundation publishes the Beginner's Guide to Adoption (referenced above, under “How-to and decisionmaking,” and downloadable from the Foundation's website), provides extensive information on how to secure financial assistance for adoption, sponsors research, and in many other ways supports adoption.

Specifically international adoptions

All of these organizations (except for the professional organization, the Joint Council on International Children's Services) are founded and run by adoptive parents. The websites all have that “home-grown” feel to them, and reveal quite a range of organizational capacities: some are highly responsive, some a little slower on the uptake. All offer important connections and information for people adopting internationally, and demonstrate terrific goodwill and commitment on the part of the parent volunteers who run them.

Joint Council on International Children's Services. Online at www.jcics.org. On land at 117 South Saint Asaph Street, Alexandria , VA 22314. By phone at 703-535-8045.

JCICS is one of the oldest and largest professional associations for licensed, non-profit, international adoption agencies. As stated on its website, JCICS's mission is to advocate on behalf of children in need of permanent families and to promote ethical practices in intercountry adoption. Begun over 25 years ago as a grass-roots affiliation among professionals, JCICS now represents over 200 organizations who work in fifty-one countries around the globe and support over 75% of all children adopted internationally by U.S. citizens. The greatest asset of the website for parents is the amazing information provided on adoption issues in 58 sending countries. Click on the button for any country and get the latest information available.

Adopt Vietnam www.adoptvietnam.org

Adopting from Korea www.adoptkorea.com

Comeunity: Adoptive Parenting Support www.comeunity.com

Eastern European Adoption Coalition www.eeadopt.net

Families with Children from Vietnam www.fcvn.org

Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption www.frua.org

Friends of Korea www.friendsofkorea.org

Parent Network for the Post-Institutionalized Child www.pnpic.org

Also see Pact , which is specifically dedicated to families raising children of color through domestic or international adoptions. The full listing for Pact is in the previous section.

© Theresa Reid. All rights reserved. For reprint permission contact Theresa@theresareidbooks.com